so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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