She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
