Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
