he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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