it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
