her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
