whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize
