I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
