She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
