I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
