the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
