I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
