Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
