i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I deserve this hangover.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
