My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
