i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
