I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
