u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
