Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
