He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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