Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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