he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
