NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm like, not good at living.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
