We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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