dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Oh god it's open bar.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
