Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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