You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
