You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
