someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Randomize
