Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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