You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
