I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
