Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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