holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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