If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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