exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
