You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
