i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Randomize
