glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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