If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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