I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
