Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
