Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
