I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
