Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
