I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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