You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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