just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
