I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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