I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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