i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
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