That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
